Hey everyone out there! Here's the thing, I am starting this blog to track my weight loss journey and help keep me motivated and focused on my goal. If there is anyone else out there that is struggling with this same problem (I know you're out there) then maybe I can even help someone else along the way as well...
I am an almost 35 year old female who has been significantly overweight for pretty much my entire life. I look back at pictures of me when I was eight years old, and I look to be at a pretty healthy weight around then. That was the last time I was. By eleven years old I was a good 20-30 pounds overweight and as puberty kicked in it just got worse and worse. At 14 my mother was diagnosed with advanced stages of colon cancer. I was devastated. I turned to food for comfort, and was pretty much in a state of shock about everything going on. My mother fought and suffered for 6 months. By the end, we were all praying that she would die soon so her emence suffering would end. My Dad worked two jobs and so was not home much. We subsisted on Stouffers frozen dinners, Eggo waffles, and other convenience foods. My problem got worse. My father was re-married 8 months after my Mothers death. I was still in shock and the problem got worse. By around 16 I had fallen into a deep depression. I could not sleep at night and would be up 'til the wee hours if not all night, then couldn't get up to go to school because I was too tired. I don't remember ever telling anyone why I wasn't going to school or what I was feeling. My Dad tried to get me into a counselor, and I went a few times, but couldn't see the benefit of sitting in an office with a total stranger bawling my eyes out for an hour. I was too proud to ask for help. I thought I should be able to get through it on my own and be tough. Food was my comfort, friend and confidant. My problem got worse.
By the time I got out of high school, (I dropped out in March of my senior year after being so far behind and so overwhelmed I couldn't think straight), I was probably around 70-80 pounds overweight. By that time, the food addiction was so strong, I was in a downward spiral.
I tried diets over the years. I would do well for a week, maybe two. One time I was on Atkins for around a month or so and had lost like 30 pounds, but for whatever reason didn't stick with it. I don't think it was a very healthy lifestyle either, and I'm sure that contributed. I was on Jenny Craig for a while and lost like 20 pounds, but couldn't afford to continue on it for long. Each time I went off a diet, always intending to start again the next day, I would end up gaining back all the weight and more. Same old story.
My most successful weight loss was with Weight Watchers. I lost 75 pounds at WW and was half way to my goal. I had been going for 1 1/2 years. That's a long time, but at least I was making steady progress. Then, probably the worst year of my life happened, and it was all downhill from there. The stress of everything sent me into panic attacks and serious anxiety problems. I reverted back to my old friend for comfort and gained all the weight back plus some again. I always planned on starting again on "Monday". Then Monday would come and I would cheat, and swear I would start Tuesday. The same thing would happen Tuesday and Wednesday. By Thursday I would be thinking, well, it's almost the weekend, I will just start on "Monday". This same cycle over and over and over again. Always feeling so awful about myself in the process because I felt so awful and looked so awful.
The next problem became bingeing. I was always determined to start my new eating plan the next day, and as a result, would say, well I better eat those things I've been craving, since I'm not going to have any for a long time. My problem got worse.
So here I am now. More than 150 pounds overweight and sick of it! My determination will carry me through and this blog will help keep me accountable and on task. I have decided to combine all the things I have learned over the last 20 years of dieting and make my own unique plan that is right for me. I am not going to be really rigid about only eating certain things at certain times, because I just can't live that way.
I will be posting my weight loss totals, and will eventually start putting some pictures up, but I'm not quite ready to put my "fat" pictures on the internet yet! I will try to blog each day with an accounting of what I'm eating, what struggles I had, and how I am doing. My goal is just to continue losing weight and keep it off.
Weight Loss Tracker
