Sugar addiction

I am starting a new program today that is supposed to help conquer sugar addiction.  It's a 4 week course over the phone, one hour every Friday, and costs $47.  Maybe I can get a new perspective and some tools to help.  It certainly can't hurt!

I am also trying to figure out how to get off the Lyrica I have been on.  I know it has contributed to my weight gain, but it helps me sleep so much, and when I don't take it I suffer anxiety and toss and turn all night.  Maybe I'll just have to suffer for a week or so while my body adjusts.  Either that or have the dr slowly lower my dose.  Gotta do something.

I want to lose weight and be healthier so I can go on rides with the kids a Disneyworld and not be worried that I won't fit.  Hate that feeling.

Susan

Rock bottom

I have officially hit rock bottom.  Time to change things.  I feel helpless to this extra weight but I will continue to remind myself tat I have the power to change.

I want to be healthy so I can go hiking.  Real hiking.  And be able to enjoy it instead of huffing and puffing the whole way.

Here's to new beginnings.

Susan

Follow-up to yesterday's venting

I appreciate the support and honesty in the comments from my blog yesterday.

I just want to do this follow-up to make sure that I make myself clear. It may have sounded like I was making excuses for myself in the blog. I definitely did not intend it that way. The point I was trying to make was that everyone has their own issues they are dealing with, and noone but themselves can know what those are or how hard they are for that particular person and we shouldn't judge or assume.

Is it just as hard for someone 10 pounds overweight to lose a pound as it is for someone 150 pounds overweight? I would say it's probably harder. I'm not saying that everyone doesn't have issues and that everyone doesn't struggle with weight, whether it be losing it or gaining it, at some point or another. To assume that someone got to be so overweight just because of a lack of self-control is, in my opinion, misguided and judgemental. Some people have better control over what they eat, but have issues in other areas of their lives that are not so visible. It's all a matter of how we deal with stress and loss and life in general, and in my case, I tend to deal with it by overeating. Others deal with it in other ways, whether healthy or not healthy. We all have problems in life and it's never easy for anyone, but the area of weight IS harder for some than others. If it wasn't, then noone would be overweight or anorexic. I can honestly say that I do not enjoy being obese. I hate it. I hate it with a passion and it effects every aspect of my life. I don't think anyone makes a conscious choice to be overweight, but it happens as life happens and people shouldn't look down on others because they are struggling with obesity. It happens. I know it does. I've experienced it many times and it hurts and only makes dealing with it harder. It sounds really simple to make changes and choose healthier things, but it can be much harder than it sounds, as most of my MFP friends can attest to.

I know I have the power within me to change and get to a healthy weight. I will do that, but I have to deal with the underlying issues to make a permanent change. I am going to be starting to see a counselor, which I am hopeful will help me recognize some of my issues and find ways to deal with them in a healthier way. Now, people may call me "mental" because I need to see a counselor. Whatever. I don't really care what people think that much anymore. I'm becoming sort of apathetic to other's opinions of me, and maybe that's partly the depression. I've got plenty of excuses if I wanted to just make excuses and not try to change. I found out today that my sister has ovarian cancer. Isn't that just a kick in the pants. I know that this would be hard for anyone, but having my mother die of cancer when I was 14 years old and my MIL die of cancer over the summer makes it even harder to deal with for me in particular. Not an excuse. Just a statement of fact as to what is going on in my life. If I don't recognize what is hard and what causes me to self-medicate with food, then I can't really beat it, now can I.

Thanks again for your comments. I have the greatest MFP friends in the world!

Susan

Major venting: not for the judgemental, gossips, back-biters, holier-than-thou, or just plain mean and rude.

I have been struggling lately. Struggling badly. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in August by one doctor and in October by another. It's been coming on for a few years now. My eating has been out of control and my workouts, the one thing that I was consistent with, has gone by the wayside of late. I am not giving up, though. I'll never give up.

Now for the venting...

I was speaking to an acquaintance of mine last week, telling her about my diagnosis and weight loss failures. I made the comment that I have "food issues". Her reply upset me, I must say. She said, "I think eveyone has issues with food. It's just what you do with it that matters." Then she proceeded to give me advice about setting limits on food and so on. Really? REALLY?! Do people really believe that someone who is 10, 20 or even 50 pounds overweight has the same issues with food as someone who is 150+ pounds overweight? Do they think it's all just a simple matter of will power and that obese people just have no self-control?

I am appalled by the implication that this gives, and it simply isn't true. There are so many factors involved! Genetics of course plays a huge role. How we are raised plays a huge role. Emotional and physical problems play a huge role. Lifestyle and income can even play a role in these things. The more I think about this the more upset I get about it. In her way of thinking, I'm just lazy and gluttenous and that's all there is to it.

Well, I wish that this had sunk in sooner so I could have told her how I really feel and maybe set her straight on a few things. For now, I guess my venting will have to due.

I would love to hear some comments on this subject. Do all fairly normal weight people really think this way? It's amazing to me how much discrimination that is still going on in this day and age. I see not only racial discrimination, but religious and weight discrimination frequently and it is sad that we can't be more understanding, loving and kind people

A friend of mine posted this on their FB page a few days ago and I think it very appropriate:

Before you assume, learn. Before you judge, understand. Before you hurt, feel. Before you say, think.

Susan

Monday, Monday

It's Monday and I am feeling very motivated this week to take care of myself by eating well and exercising every day!

I am going to try something new this week. I know that sugar is my biggest downfall but cutting it out completely just isn't realistic for me and leads to bingeing, which is NOT what I want. So, I am going to attempt to limit my sugary foods to 10-20% of my total calorie intake, which for me right now means anywhere from 150-300 calories max from sugary foods. I would like to keep it closer to the 150 mark, but I am giving myself some leeway on that. I'm hoping for a big loss this week to get me back on track with my goals.

Happy healthy eating!

A rough patch...

Well, I received word yesterday morning that my MIL passed into the next life after a 3 year battle with breast cancer. I'm not in a good place right now. I lost my own mother to cancer when I was just 14 years old, and watching my husband's mother go through this has just brought back way too many horribly difficult memories. Things that I would rather just forget. Pain that is much easier to bury by eating. That's really what I want to do right now, eat. I have a good excuse, but that's what got me here in the first place. I seem to be really great at finding excuses when the going gets tough.

I decided to update my weight this morning, as well. I have really and truly believed that the weight gain that came on so suddenly and won't come off was water retention from whatever weird thing is going on with my kidneys. I finished my second course of antibiotics last night, and yet the kidney pain is still present, and my weight is still way up. I am going to have to face the fact that my weight is up because of my lack of self-control and poor choices, plain and simple.

I'm not really sure what to do right now. I feel like I don't have much fight left in me. I'm very discouraged and I'm sorry to all those looking for motivation and inspiration.

I'm just not sure that I have any fight in me anymore, that's all. At least not right now.

Yesterday was a busy day of Scout stuff for my son and gymnastics for my daughter, all without my hubby who was with his family still, which is where he needed to be. Just hard to face everything right now.

I really should just delete this whole thing. It's just a bunch of whiny rambling, and nobody needs to hear that. Everyone has there own struggles, I'm not the only one. The kids are up and need me, so I've got to try to be strong for them.

On a spiritual note...

Although I am not in the best of places emotionally or physically right now, spiritually, I am on solid ground, and am grateful for that fact. I know that my mother and my husbands mother are in a beautiful, happy place now. A place full of peace that I'm sure we could not even comprehend. The real challenge is to those left behind, because we are left to move on without them in our lives for a few short moments. Those few short moments seem long and arduous in times like these, to be sure, but there is certainly peace to be found in the knowledge that I will one day embrace them and be with them again, thanks to the sacrifice of my Savior, Jesus Christ.

I should also note that I have no anger towards God for these things. I don't believe that God 'caused' them to have cancer. Things just happen, for reasons we don't understand. Sometimes, miracles are performed and people are cured, but sometimes a persons mission on this Earth is over, and we are left to try to learn and grow from the challenges that we have faced.

I hope and pray that I can learn from these challenges and all others that I will face in my time here, and become a better, stronger person because of those difficulties. Maybe I can even help someone else out along the way.

Thank you so much to my dear friends who buoy me up when I am low and cheer me on when I am successful. You are all angels to me, sent straight from heaven above! XOXOXOXOXO

I saw this YouTube video called "What Matters Most" this morning, and man did it bring things back into perspective for me.

I am a binge eater

I have learned something about myself over the course of this year. I am a binge eater. That is very hard for me to admit. I feel like I'm a failure and weak because of it. It's disgusting to me. I hate myself when I binge. I hate everything about me when I binge. Sometimes I binge because I hate everything about me. Sometimes I binge because I just can't deal with life. Sometimes I binge to bury the pain in my heart from past hurts. Sometimes I binge to forget things I can't seem to forget otherwise. When my stomach is so full that it hurts, then I can't feel the emotional pain and loss as much. Sometimes I binge because I'm depressed. Sometimes I binge because I feel stuck. Sometimes I binge because I never fulfilled some of my dreams. Sometimes I binge because I feel like a failure or I'm afraid I will fail, like I have so many other times before.

Maybe just this realization is the first step in getting over it. I'm afraid I'll never really be able to get over it.

I'm afraid. Plain afraid. Afraid that I'm not stronger than this addiction. Afraid that I can never beat it. Afraid that I'll die because of it. Afraid that it'll kill me before I kill it.

I have also realized that my workouts are the one thing that have helped me more than anything in getting the bingeing under control. It's my one arsenal against the evil binge eating. At least that does make me feel like I'm not completely defenseless against it.

30! 30! 30! 30! 30! 30!

I'm still here and still kickin'! I hit -30 lbs this last weekend and I'm absolutely ecstatic!! It took a LONG time to get this last 10 out of the way, mostly due to some medical issues and a lack of total committment on my part some of the time, but I'm still goin' strong. I'm just 2 pounds away from my first mini-goal which was to lose 10% of my start weight. I was planning on doing some clothes shopping at each milestone, but I'm not feeling like I want to buy new clothes when I'm not down much as far as clothes size goes. My clothes are still fitting, just getting loose on me, which I don't really mind. It's nice to be comfortable in my clothes instead of always tugging and pulling on them, and some of my stuff that I just didn't wear because it was too tight, is now fitting again. So, I've decided to buy me a nice basketball when I hit -32 as my reward. :~) I have been playing 1-2 times a week and have been using my sons ball, which isn't a very good one. I can't wait to hit my first mini-goal and get my new basketball!!!! :~)

Big thanks to all my wonderful peeps who are keeping me motivated. I will post some updated pics and do measurements when I hit -32.....Hopefully by this weekend! *fingers crossed*

Learned something new

I got my butt out of bed at 5:20 this morning and went to an early water aerobics class. Anyone who knows me, knows that me getting out of bed that early is nearly the equivelant of Moses parting the Red Sea. Special thanks to my workout buddy for getting me there with a little encouragement and extra accountability. I can't tell you how glad I am that I went, though. The instructor was great and she taught me something very interesting about breathing while exercising...

If you are taking shallow breaths while exercising, then your body will be burning glucose instead of fat. Huh?! That's right. If I exercise at a moderate intensity and pay attention to breathing deeply, then the fat will have the required oxygen for the body to burn it away. How great is that! That means that If I'm working out so intensely that my heart rate is super high and my breathing very fast and shallow I won't be burning the fat that I could be by slowing down a little. But by slowing down the intensity level to a range where I can talk, although uncomfortable to do so, and paying attention to breathing deeply, I will burn more fat than working out harder will. I love that! That IS why I'm working out in the first place, right?! What an epiphany!! I actually did some research about this just to verify what she said, and everywhere I looked I found more information that confirmed this. Water is an important factor in that equation, as well.

Here is an excerpt from one of the sites I used as reference in my research:

The bottom line is that, if you want to burn fat, you should stick to lighter, longer exercises. Walking, swimming, light aerobics and weight lifting, exercises that allow you to take your time, get your breath and burn at your leisure will help take off pounds of fat much more quickly than more demanding exercises like endurance sports and hard aerobics. Quick Tips • Breathe a little more deeply than usual to burn fat, but do not hold your breath. www.weightlossforall.com/burn%20fat.htm I actually learned two new things today, but the other I will share in my next post. :~)

200 Club

Sorry I've been so neglectful on my postings lately! I reached a milestone last Friday that I have been anticipating for a LONG time! I'm finally back in the 200 club!!! Phew! My weight loss has slowed WAY down lately, and I know why....I've been eating too much! Wow, what a shocker!! I am still losing though, so that's the main thing. I'm headed in the right direction, which is better than the wrong direction! See that turtle on my 'ticker'? That's me! But, as they say, slow and steady wins the race! Watch out you wathcally wabbit, I'm a comin'! :~)

Weigh-in day

Today was weigh-in day, and my weight stayed exactly the same as last week. I was definitely a bit discouraged by this, until I decided to measure myself. I was honestly scared that all my measurements would be the same and then I would be even more discouraged. I really can't see any difference yet, other than my clothes feeling a little looser. Yesterday I decided on a whim to pull on a pair of capri pants that I haven't been able to wear in a long, long time. I couldn't get them zipped up, before. Well.....THEY FIT ME!!!! I could zip them up, no problem! I was so excited that I was practically glowing. :~) So, because of this encouraging event, I decided to go ahead and take my measurements this morning. Well, I've lost -9.5 inches!!! I honestly couldn't believe it!!! I didn't take measurements when I started, so I"m not sure how many inches I've lost from the beginning, but as of 2/8/11 when I took my measurements I've lost a lot of inches! 1 inch from my neck. (what the heck?!) 1 inch from my waist and chest, 1/2 inch from my hips, each calf and each arm......and.....drumroll please.....2 INCHES OFF EACH THIGH! SKIPPITY-DOO-DA-DAY!!

Can you tell I'm just a little excited about my measuring results?! Take THAT evil scale!! ;~)

Oh, and happy St. Patty's Day to yee. :~)

Weigh-in

After a little lol, I am back in the game with a -1.6 loss as of today! YIPPEE!!!! Makes me very happy and I'm looking forward to reaching my first mini-goal of having lost 10% of my start body weight, which will be at -32 pounds. Another 11 to go. I was hoping to reach that goal by the end of March. Unless I have a very good month, I am thinking it will take me a little longer than that, but I'm still hoping I have a chance at reaching that goal in time. I'm not too concerned about losing the weight really fast. In fact, I want to lose it slowly to give my skin time to adjust and so that I know I am making long lasting changes that I can stick with for the rest of my life.

Very happy day! Thank you so much to those of you who have and continue to support me!! You mean the world to me!!!

Weigh-in delay

I have decided to delay my 'official' weigh-in a little bit due to my least favorite visitor, TOM. I will probably do it on Monday.

I found this blog today, and I can't wait to have more time to explore it. I really like what I've seen so far!

http://www.wordofwisdomliving.com/

Oh, and I wanted to add a little note regarding the mini-meatloafs. My kids absolutely LOVED them. I liked them, but thought they were a little on the sweet side. The next time I make them I think I'll try cutting the brown sugar by half and upping some of the other spices a little. Just an FYI.

Mini Meatloaf freezer recipe

I am beginning an adventure in freezer meal discovery. I am not one who loves to cook that much, and more than anything, I usually don't have the energy to cook a big meal every night. So, I am going to try to learn more about the art of freezer meals. Last night I cooked mini-meatloafs for the family and used a recipe that made 23 mini-meatloafs. 17 of them are now in the freezer ready for another night or to take to my Dad who's recovering from surgery. What a great feeling to have those all ready to go!!!


I just paired them with some instant mashed potatoes and steamed broccoli. It was really delish and the kids ate them up, which is a big deal in my house! I found this recipe here .

1 cup ketchup
4 tbsp brown sugar, packed
1 tsp mustard
2 eggs, lightly beaten
1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
3 cups Crispix cereal, crushed
3 tsp onion powder
1/2 tsp seasoning salt
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp fresh ground pepper
3 lbs lean ground beef

Combine ketchup, sugar and mustard in a large bowl. Set aside 1/2 cup of mixture for the glazed topping and set aside. Next, add eggs, Worcestshire sauce, crushed cereal and seasonings/spices to the large bowl. Allow to stand for five minutes to allow the cereal to absorb some moisture. Add ground beef and mix well.

Next, using muffin tins to create your mini meatloaves, press about 1/3 cup into 18 muffin tin cups. Bake in an oven preheated to 350F for 20 minutes. Remove and top each meatloaf with the glaze mixture and bake for ten minutes longer. Ensure ground beef is no longer pink and the internal temperature is at least 160F

Allow to cool and freeze on a cookie sheet. Once frozen, transfer them to a ziploc bag or freezer container.

Cooking day: Thaw in fridge (they don't take too long to thaw). Please on foil lined cookie sheet and bake for 30 mins at 350F, or until mini meatloaves are cooked through. You can also microwave on high until cooked through, 1-2 minutes.

Addition. :~) -.6

I was down another -.6 this morning, and so decided to go ahead and log it since I am so close to -20 pounds, and that extra puts me right on track for where I wanted to be this week.

Happy Camper! :~)

I am working on some healthy freezer meals. I will post as I try them out.

303.6 -1.6

Yay! Lost another -1.6 this week. I was hoping for a half pound more, but I'll definitely take it!! I'm down -19 pounds total and I'm feeling grrrrrrrrreat!!! I am actually starting to feel it in my clothes a little bit more. Not so much in my hips and thighs, where I really want to, but in my upper body definitely. To meet my 1st small goal of -10% of my start body weight by the end of March, I figure I need to be down about -21 lbs by the end of Feb. That would be a little more doable if it wasn't a short month, but by next week I'm hoping to meet that -21 pounds goal and be on my way to -32 by the end of March. If I can just cut down on the junk food and up my fruits and veggies, I'm sure that I can do it. Feeling really great!!! :~)

Nutella YUM!

I have found another recipe using Nutella that I really want to try! I will share once I have tried it out, but it is basically a Nutella/banana wonton that is baked. Everyone is raving about it on My Fitness Pal, so I'll try it out. Maybe even tonight if I have the calories to spare. :~)

You may be wondering why in the world I keep talking about Nutella on a weight loss blog? Well, my philosophy is that if we deny ourselves completely of the food we love, then it will only lead to bingeing on it later. I even went a whole year without any sugar and was convinced that I could not control myself when it came to sweets, so I should just cut it out completely. That worked for a while, but only temporarily. I am finally learning how to savor and enjoy a small amount of the things I love without overindulging on them, and it is so much better. I am still losing weight and haven't felt deprived at all. Yes, I have not eaten nearly as much of the sweet/salty snacks that I love, but I have learned to eat them slowly and really enjoy the taste rather than just wolfing tons down without even really tasting it. I am also learning to pick and choose what I really enjoy, instead of just shoving in whatever is on hand. I have been stopping to think, is that really worth the calorie content to me? Sometimes it is, but often times it isn't. That has been a big help. I've still got a long way to go, and I'm sure as I get closer to my goal weight I will have to be even more careful about what I eat, but for right now this is working out great for me. I am losing and feeling better every day. 100 calorie packs are my friend.

Plus, Nutella does have some good nutrition in it! It's not all just empty calories. :~)

The best breakfast EVER!

I just have to share this breakfast discovery I made, because I am in LOVE with it. I am a big fan of nutella and frozen waffles, and this was a combination I came up with yesterday that turned out so good......mmmmm....*drooling*

The best part? Not only was it delicious, it was FAST! About five minutes to throw together, which is definitely a requirement for me with five kids. By the time I actually get to eat, it's almost lunch time!!

Here it is. Drum roll please.....

Alright, wipe the drool off and I'll tell you how I made it. ;~)

So, this is what it is. I used Eggo Lowfat Nutri-grain waffles and spread 1 teaspoon of Nutella on each one. Top with 1/2 C cut up strawberries, and drizzle about a teaspoon of agave nectar over the top in place of syrup. That's it!

If you've never used agave nectar, it is fabulous. I have been using it to replace sugar in a lot of things. Agave nectar is a natural sweetener with a very low glycemic index. It is actually sweeter than sugar, so you can use much less, which lowers the calorie content. I buy mine at Costco. You can get two bottles for around $7 there, but you can buy it in pretty much any store. You can use it in place of sugar in any recipe, but you use 1/2 - 2/3 of what you would use in regular sugar.

I ate just the waffles for breakfast yesterday, but decided I should probably try to add some extra protein with it today, so I included 3 turkey sausages. A glass of milk or veggie sausage would also add a good amount of protein if you wanted to do that instead.

Nutrition info before the sausage, so just the waffles, strawberries, Nutella and Agave is as follows: Cal-263, protein-7, fiber-5, carbs-47, fat-7, sodium-396

With the turkey sausage it comes out as:

Cal-383, protein-20, fiber-5, fat-14, carbs-48, sodium-886

The sausage really pumped up the protein, but also added a lot of sodium and fat, so you can modify based on what is most important for you.

383 calories is a pretty good amount for me. I usually average between 300-400 cals per meal, but if it's high for you, you could just do one waffle or omit the sausages.

Use one waffle, Nutella and strawberries with a little light whipped cream on top, and you have a fabulous dessert! Gotta love it!!

My tummy is VERY happy right now. :~) Which means I am very happy right now! :~)

Happy healthy eating everyone!!!

~Susan

Heart rate monitor

Ok, people! I had to make a quick entry to let you know about an amazing deal I found today on a Heart Rate Monitor. I ordered it, and can't wait to get it. If you don't know what a heart rate monitor is, it's a watch that monitors your heart rate and tells you how many calories you have burned during a workout. I've been wanting one for a while, but haven't been able to justify the $50 - $100 or more it would cost. Well, I found one today on Tanga.com for $14 shipped!!!! This one does not require a chest strap like some do, and for $14 I am willing to take a chance and see how it works. :~) Here's the link

I also just had one of the most delicious breakfasts EEEVVVVEEERRRR!! I am kicking myself for not taking a pic before I gobbled it down. Grrrrrrr... It was even beautiful!! I am going to make it again tomorrow and I'll give you the details then. I know the suspense is killing you, but you'll have to practice patience. (I know, I'm mean) ;~)

305.2 -17 and counting!!!! YAYAYAYAYAY

I am VERY happy with my weigh-in today!!! I was hoping for at least 305.something, but couldn't have hoped for nearly 305 even! I am really hoping to have lost 20 pounds by the end of Feb. I think it's doable. A week and a half to lose about 3 pounds? Yeah. I can totally do it!

I am completely and totally exhausted, and just want to go collapse on my bed right now. It's been a busy day. My workout today consisted of wii fit yoga and strength training, and I received Just Dance 2 today, so I got some cardio "dancing my pants off"! :~) It was fun. I also ordered Just Dance Kids, and my kids are in love with it!! They must have played it for over 2 hours today, and my 4yos beat my 8yos quite a few times, much to the chagrin of my 8yos.

I also wanted to share a couple links that a friend of mine on My Fitness Pal shared with me. I thought they had some great recipes, although not all completely low cal and such. Here they are:

http://www.400caloriesorless.com

http://www.crockpot365.blogspot.com

http://www.5dollardinners.com